Make My Day
When I got outside I was not at all surprised (though somehow, even still, dismayed) to see my car buried in the snow. My Subaru was one of only two in the lot, the other a truck, with a man I hardly noticed waiting for the engine to warm.
Resignation. I ran a gloved hand around the frame of my car door, relieved when the snow flaked off, no coat of ice lurking beneath. At least it would clear off easily. I sat down, legs outside, put my keys in the ignition. And looked up as my snow-cave car brightened in sunlight.
The man from the other car had wiped his snow-brush, the size of a janitor’s broom, across my front window. Another quick stroke cleared the snow from my back window and that awkward triangle back back window. I grinned at him. In five seconds he had spared me five minutes cold work. “Thanks!” I yelled through the glass.
He gestured with the brush. “Close your door!” Then he quickly cleared off the rest of my car while I sat comfortable and happily bemused. When he finished, he opened the passenger door, peered in, and said, “You have a NICE day.”
Undoubtedly.
Weeks or months ago: just before the downpour started I realized my front tire was flat. Found my jack missing, called AAA, got the spare on. The spare was also flat, but fortunately, not all the way.
I drove slowly and neurotically to the gas station and realized I wasn’t sure how to use the air pump. I pulled out my phone and texted my husband for advice.
Meanwhile I climbed out of the car and compared the air tube to my tire with some puzzlement. I noticed the tag on my tire with psi recommendations just before Matt texted me to look on my tire for psi recommendations.
Perhaps 45 seconds had passed from the time I parked my car when another car drove toward me. Before he even came to a stop, he leaned on the horn.
At first I thought he must be honking at someone else. I made the universal “what?” sign with my hands and shoulders. I glanced back at at the air tube, almost defensively. I wasn’t sure how to use the psi recommendation since I didn’t have a tire pressure gauge.
The man climbed out of his car. He was redfaced and breathless with rage. “Are you going to use it or talk on your phone!?”
Anger prompted anger, but I did my best to stay calm. “Well I’m trying to figure out how to use this,” I tried to explain. “I’ve never had a flat tire before.”
He shouted over me. “Are you going to use that? So why are you playing on your phone!?”
“I’m talking to my husband, he’s helping me-”
“Why are you blocking the air pump while you talk on your phone!”
Finally I gave up and yelled back. “My husband is telling me how to use the air through the phone! Why don’t you back off so I can use it?”
He glared at me, purple now. “A PHONE won’t help you do that!” He drove off.
My car was in front of the air pump for a total of five minutes. Most of that was yelling: once the man left I took about a minute to figure out how to insert the air tube and took a guess at tire pressure. After I saw the flat, it took me 20 minutes (in the rain) to admit I couldn’t find the jack, 45 minutes for AAA to get there, and another 15 minutes (in the POURING rain) to get the spare on.
I missed a doctor’s appointment, hoped I wouldn’t need to cancel my hair cut, and stressed about having to buy new tires, but even damp and rushed, I wasn’t in a bad mood until that self important jerk started screaming at me.
Small gestures, kind or mean, can have an incredible impact. When I was a kid in a Catholic school we had “Random Acts of Kindness” week. It was beyond lame. An obvious shortcoming was that orchestrating something like that sort of negates the whole “random” aspect. The suggestions were stupid and forced, the whole process brought with it a cumbersome self consciousness.
I can see now though, the hopeful mind behind it. When I feel the flush of happiness caused by something so simple, (or the fury caused by a minute of thoughtlessness) it’s easy to believe the world can be changed in small, slow pushes. I remember the movie “Pay it Forward.” It was an interesting concept, but honestly a bit unbelievable. The problem with “pay it forward” as the Sixth Sense kid imagined it is that it depends on such large acts. The movie implied that you have to give an awful lot to get anywhere, but I don’t think that’s true.
Maybe the things we do for (and to) people, the things that could change the world, can be so tiny we hardly realize we’re doing them. As small as yelling, as brushing off some snow, a snide comment or a compliment. Maybe the cascade will be so slow we won’t see the effects in our lifetimes, but that doesn’t mean they go nowhere. Every day we change the world.
*domino photo from Malkav
Wrap Up 2009
I got this survey last year from Linda of All & Sundry. A nice easy way to look back on the year.
1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Got my MFA degree! Finished (really finished) a novel! Spent an entire year married. 
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t remember what my resolutions were (or if I had any), but I’m happy with my progress on various goals. Next year I hope to find a publisher and get some illustration work.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No, but a close friend did get pregnant, so, next year.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Matt’s Granddad died in the spring. I only met him a couple times but he seemed like a wonderful guy, and he had the most kicking wake I’ve ever been to. I mean, whole room singing joyfully for life celebration type a thing. It was sad but not depressing if that makes any sense.
5. What countries did you visit?
Didn’t get out of the country this year, but I did get to visit my parents in Oregon, and a couple good trips out to DC.
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
A publishing contract. Work that pays in money (free books and video games are nice but…). A house. I can dream, right?
7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Er… I can’t think of any big dates. Sorry.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Finished novel revisions. Graduation.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I can’t think of anything I feel I failed hugely at. Probably biggest issue is setting too many goals at once, but I’m getting better at that.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Probably got a couple bad colds, as per usual, but nothing major.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
IPHONE. Love it. Also, related, “Things” app for iPhone. Productivity has soared. Or at least, you know, moved. Forward.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My big brother took a risk and quit a job he hated, to do what he really wanted to do (coaching at the fencing club), with less money and less security. Related: Walt Dragonetti, this year’s Veteran WORLD champion in Men’s Epee. My friend Kim started Med School, my friend Amy started a new grad program and my sister-in-law went back to school AND started to learn Reiki. Oh, hell. All the people in my life are amazing.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Repeat from last year: If I can’t say something nice, I’m definitely not going to type it on the internet.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Coffee and books.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Just living… I’m having a good time.
16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
I’m on a Mother %#@& Boat!
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
Happier!
b) thinner or fatter?
Probably about the same.
c) richer or poorer?
No idea.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Getting my name (and portfolio) out. Drawing.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Staying up till all hours and getting up far too late.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
With family in PA. Finally saw Christmas Vacation, which is apparently where 99% of Matt’s Christmas jokes come from. Oh who am I kidding, make it a round 100.
21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Yup. Still. Always I think.
22. What was your favorite TV program?
I saw this “Mystery Diagnosis” program a couple times while in Chicago that seemed pretty interesting, though likely to cause acute paranoia.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Hate might be a strong word. Some fresh disappointment.
24. What was the best book you read?
Escaping the Endless Adolescence (though I’ve still got a little bit to go, since I’ve pretty much just been reading it between Borders trips). I’ll get around to buying it at some point. Anyway, I think it’s brilliant.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Jonathan Coulton. Awesome.
26. What did you want and get?
Time to focus on creative things.
27. What did you want and not get?
Nothing important.
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Spent a leisurely day with Matt. I think we went to Chilli’s and Kim made me an awesome Coraline card. I turned 28.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Hmm… it would have been nice to have made more progress on the whole converting creative efforts into income front… but I think I’ll get there.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
I spent most of the year trying to fit into the jeans that I fit into at the end of 2008, and finally succeeded about a month ago, since which time I’ve been trying to fend off the holiday spirits which are determined to make them shrink again. Otherwise I’ve been wearing all the same stuff I’ve been wearing since (or before) college, until I visited Oregon and Mom bought me a whole bunch of new clothes. Thanks Mom! I can finally throw out my dress pants that were once black but are now the color of pilled.
32. What kept you sane?
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33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
John Stewart.
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Local issues and Energy. GAY RIGHTS.
35. Who did you miss?
Sheila. Both my thesis defense and reading were a tad bittersweet.
36. Who was the best new person you met?
Not sure. I’m antisocial.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
I’m more capable than I think. A lousy job can make you completely miserable.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I might be able to do this if I ever remembered song lyrics.
*images all created using iPhone app “SpawnLite”
Creepy Coraline
As soon as I saw the movie, I decided to go as Coraline for Halloween. As you might remember, I am a big fan of Neil Gaiman, so it seemed appropriate.
Part of the reason for this is that it gave me a great excuse to dye my hair blue. For as long as I can remember, Halloween has been my favorite holiday, and that’s half because I love the spooky and half because I just love costumes. I take my costumes very seriously. When I ordered my yellow rain boots online, Amazon gave me this screen:
So it’s clear I’m not the only one who had the idea to dress as Coraline. But wigs are for the weak!
Anyway, I’ve dyed my hair blue before, and it did not go well. I followed online instructions rather than what was on the bottle, and ended up with crappy looking blue hair for about a day and a half… and seaweed green hair for another 6 months. In spite of past experience I ended up choosing the same dye (Raw Colors’ True Blue from Hot Topic) and this time I followed the instructions on the bottle.
It seems to have worked much better, but the dye gets everywhere.
I have a blue tub and a blue pillow case (inside out fortunately) and the only reason my face is no longer blue is because I scrubbed it off with Gojo. Note: when dying your hair, don’t bother using Vaseline on the outside of your ear, because they’re going to get dyed no matter how much you use. Put the Vaseline INSIDE your ears. This color seems to be fading to a dark teal color, and though I’m sure it will eventually get to that unlovely seaweed hue, I’m a bit more optimistic about the fading. We’ll see.*
Costumes are all about details, so I replayed the movie over and over to figure out what I needed. I was surprised at the lack of dragonfly barrettes (I found only a really crappy one, for $10 and decided it wasn’t worth it), so I thought I’d use the costume as an excuse to try my hand at some wire jewelry. Then I ran out of time.
Instead I dug through some of my old jewelry and found a dragonfly necklace from who knows when, and pinned it over a plain white barrette and called it close enough. I did manage to find a small purple messenger bag like the one Coraline carries when she’s outside. It’s not exactly the same color, and it’s got more to it then the one from the movie, but I liked it, and it looked like something Coraline would pick out if she had the option.
Of course the ultimate Coraline detail would be the spy-doll.
I don’t really sew, but this seemed like a good chance to try. I don’t think the doll appears at all in the book Coraline, but I’m all about costume details, and I thought the Coraline doll would add just the right bit of creepy.
I started off well enough, but once I stuffed it, the whole thing fell apart (not literally). The shape was completely wrong, and when I added in fabric paint it looked creepy… but in entirely the wrong ways. I also just didn’t leave enough time, so finally the night before Halloween I had to call the doll a fail. I left it on the table to dry, where it completely freaked out Matt when he got home from work, so, you know, I got SOME Halloween satisfaction from it.
This year was the first time I’ve been in town to celebrate Halloween with my friends in about five years. While I worked for the Vindicator, I ended up going to a student media conference every year and then last year, I was of course on our honeymoon. I wore my ceramic horns and Matt and I went reverse trick-or-treating on the train (we gave out candy) so that was lots of fun, but it’s not the full-costume Halloween I’ve missed. Overall I think Coraline was probably one of my more successful costumes, probably because it was extremely simple. It was also one of my more economical costumes since most of the elements were either something I could reuse, or things I already owned.
Plus, I still have blue hair, so OBVIOUSLY it’s a costume winner.
*The background in this photo comes from one of the tunnel scenes in Coraline. It is owned by whoever owns it (Henry Selick? Neil Gaiman? Not sure, but certainly not ME) and I have no idea whether it’s legal to use it in this context. If someone from Coraline land (no I don’t mean the OTHER world, I mean author, director, frothing lawyers etc.) wishes me to take it down, I will do so.
Frozen
On September 29th, a U.S. District Judge dismissed Janice Langbehn’s lawsuit against Jackson Memorial Hospital.
(click for larger version)
In February of 2007, Janice and her life-partner Lisa Pond were beginning a vacation with three of their four children when Lisa collapsed on the deck of a cruise ship. Lisa was rushed to Jackson Memorial Hospital (Florida) and Janice followed with their children as quickly as she could.
Half an hour after arriving at the hospital, a social worker went to Janice and told her, ““you are in an anti-gay city and state. And without a health care proxy you will not see Lisa nor know of her condition.”
Janice, a former health care worker, responded quickly, having her legal Durable Powers of Attorney faxed to the hospital. In spite of this, Janice and their children were left in the waiting room with no information for several hours. Eventually a surgeon told her that Lisa had suffered an aneurysm and would have no recovery.
A priest came to give Lisa last rites, and Janice attended with him, seeing her life partner for the first time in five hours. After the rites, Janice was ushered back into the waiting room.
Lisa was in the trauma room for 8 hours, but Janice was denyed the comfort of being with her during her final hours, minutes. Their children, legal children of both Janice and Lisa, were not allowed in to say goodbye before their mother died. Jance continued to wait in a non-informational bubble until Lisa’s sister came to the hospital. At that time, Lisa’s sister was told that Lisa had been moved more than an hour ago. They had not bothered to tell Janice or their children, waiting in useless space. The blogpost explaining the case can be found here.
In some ways, this story has nothing to do with Same Sex Marriage. Power of Attorney is exactly the legal protection someone is told to get if they want to make sure they’ll be allowed to be present in the event of a loved one’s deathbed. This is the power that allows you to make medical decisions for someone, to stay informed on their condition, to be allowed to visit their bed if it is medically possible. If a gay woman with Power of Attorney was denied those rights, there is no reason to believe she would have been given information and access even if she had a legal marriage. There was NO legal basis to keep Janice away from Lisa as she lay dying. As for keeping out the children, there is no human explanation. It’s nothing short of hateful.
The dismissal of the case is an endorsement for Legal discrimination based on sexual orientation.
This is not being overly dramatic. If there is no other legal basis for the decision, it can only be legal discrimination. My concern, beyond the obvious unfairness, is that if it is “ok” to discriminate based on sexual orientation for ignoring Power of Attorney, perhaps it is also ok to discriniate for treatment. This may seem like a stretch, but the precedent has just been set. I only hope they appeal.
In other ways of course, this is entirely about gay marriage. I have never understood why people who feel it is “wrong” for gay people to marry, think their belief entitles them to make the marriage illegal. Laws are meant to protect us, not to cage us, at least in this supposedly free country. Having same sex marriage in no way harms those who feel it is immoral. Keeping it illegal on the other hand, harms many.
I do not however think that legalizing gay marriage is the solution. Rather, I think all “legal” marriage should be abolished. Too many people of this country have proven that they are incapable of understanding the difference between legal marriage and religious marriage. Here is the point: the rights given by a legal marriage CANNOT be determined by religious standards. It doesn’t matter if we call it a marriage or a bunny rabbit; the only thing the STATE can grant two people, any two people, is a civil union. Currently, most states call this civil union a marriage. A few states call civil unions a marriage when it is between a man and a woman, but a civil union when it’s between two men, or two women.
It’s idiotic. Let’s just call them all civil unions and be done with it. If marriage is so loaded a word that we automatically attach religious meaning to it, the state has no business granting it, any more than it should start baptizing babies, or mandating fasting periods.
It is as problematic to have the state grant marriages as it would be to have the state tell churches who can marry. If the idea of having two men marry seems wrong to you, imagine having the government tell your church that they must allow men to marry each other.
Leave marriage where it belongs: In church. It should be up to churches to decide who can and cannot marry. If your church says it’s a sin for a woman to love another woman, that is their right, no one can force them to allow it. That’s what a separation between church and state MEANS. Meanwhile, if those crazy Unitarian Universalists start marrying Jane and Jane, WHY SHOULD YOU CARE? Please. I am begging. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Let them live their lives freely.
Make a Wedding
Today is Matt’s and my 1st anniversary.
Once we got home from the honeymoon last year I did a series of posts on the wedding, and one of the posts I wanted to do was on the crafty aspects. I never got around to it because it would make a long post and I was intimidated at the thought of all the how-to. I’m not going to make this a complete guide, but I thought it was worth at least highlighting all the things we and our friends made for the wedding, and share some of the cool photos I haven’t had a chance to share yet.
1. Flowers
I don’t like flowers. Wait. Let me reword that. I love flowers growing in the ground, or in pots, and I love plants of all kinds, but I’m no gardener, and I don’t really get the point of cutting flowers off their plants to die. I realize some flowers actually grow better if they’re cut, but the whole idea, especially for a wedding, sort of annoys me.
Initially I didn’t want flowers at all, but after thinking about it, I wondered if we could do some kind of steamerpunk-esque flowers, maybe with hinges, or clockwork moving parts, or… I got a little crazy in my imaginings. In fact I sort of let the whole idea go until I mentioned the idea to one of my Kims (we had two Kims and Maid of Honor Amy in the wedding) who said: “Ooh that will be so much fun, let’s do it.” Actually I’m not sure that’s how it happened, but she doesn’t read blogs so I figure I’m safe blaming her.
We took a trip to Pat Catan’s (like a cheaper version of Michaels) and just picked up a bunch of… parts. Cool metal looking buttons and beads, 3 colors of substantial foil, weird clock things, modeling clay, star sequins and all sorts of bits. We had a couple parties (by we, I mean Kim, who hosted everything) with Amy, both Kims, Jack and my brother Brian. After a bit of experimentation we gave up on the clay and mostly on the hinges. We did manage to get LED lights through the center of seven flowers on the bouquet, plus Matt’s button flower thing (whatever those are called, I refuse to try and spell it).
Making the flowers was not that bad, relatively speaking. I say this, because to be totally honest, Kim did most of the work. We rigged the bouquet up with a switch so I could turn the lights off, but the wiring got messed up somewhere and it didn’t work. We managed to “fix” it so that it was permanently on instead. I’m not sure when they eventually burned out, but when we got back from the honeymoon they were still burning bright.
There were three kinds of flowers: the lilies made from gold foil, the- I dunno- flower-flowers in copper foil, and the baby’s breath.
The baby’s breath was the easiest, though most tedious, and this is the only flower I ended up working on. All we did was take some of the thin jewelry wire, twist a couple silver or gold star confetti/sequins on the end, and twist it off. Eventually Kim discovered that it made more sense to do this seven or eight times per strand which saved a lot of time. This was somewhat unsatisfying, since the yield per time was pretty low, but they looked extremely cool. I think real baby’s breath is pretty useless stuff, but this shiny delicate spray was something else altogether. Kim made a more continuous strand of this as well, which she twisted in my hair.
The copper flowers were also pretty simple, and invented by the other Kim.
They cut copper foil into roughly flower shaped bits, folded away the sharp edges, and crinkled, then used the jewelry wire to thread on a textured silver button and twisted the whole thing onto cooking skewers.
The lilies were a bit more complicated as we wanted them to light up. Kim (the first Kim) used the gold and silver foil to cut out shapes the same way you would for paper flowers, but slightly more angular to keep with the metal look. As a plus, they kept their shape much easier than paper.
We wired up some long strands to the LED bulbs, gave them twisty stems from the thicker gauge wire, stuck them in the center of each flower, and sort of… sewed the whole thing together with the jewelry wire.
This was all far more complicated then it sounds, but it turned out amazingly beautiful. The guys got silver foil cala lily button flower things, with confetti/sequin deely-bob centers. These were much easier. Matt got another normal lily with copper foil, a light in the center, and the sole hinge, because we discovered that was just too much of a pain in the neck to do it for all the lilies. The bouquet took a CR2032 watch battery messily taped up in the center (we covered it with leather ribbon to make it pretty, and Matt’s took a very small watch battery (he doesn’t remember the serial number and I never knew it).
I was sort of shocked at how beautiful the flowers ended up; after buying three giant bags of STUFF I suddenly became positive that they were going to look like crappy cheesy foil things made of a bunch of… well, stuff. Instead they looked amazing. The end result of the flowers was AWESOME, in the literal sense, awe inspiring (I can say this since Kim made most of them).
We used the rest of the random craft bits to make charm bracelets for Amy, Kim, Kim and my sister-in-law Jen (just to clarify, she was not my sister-in-law at the time, being Matt’s sister) who was also in the wedding.
Which brings us to
2. Centerpieces
We wanted a non-traditional wedding. We got a priestess to marry us, I had henna (and am clearly not Indian, nor any other ethnicity that can claim it as heritage) Indian food, an Irish-punkrock band, had the ceremony AND reception in a zoo, and metal flowers we made ourselves. Also, I wore a blue dress, not white, and everyone else wore pretty much whatever they wanted.
So we clearly wanted to do things a little differently, and for that matter, not spend hours of our lives struggling with the decorations (we failed there, but oh well).
The wedding favors were just boxes of animal crackers in the old school Barnum boxes, which was possibly the easiest part of whole thing even with hand written labels (it ended up being easier than printing them believe it or not). The centerpieces presented a dilemma though.
There are ton of low cost, simple centerpieces that would have looked great, but I was unsure how much light there would be in the building, and thought local lights might be a good idea. We considered using those stupid dancing animals and creatures that hook up to ipods, hoping they’d light up and dance to the Irish music, but we weren’t sure we could make them work, and honestly they’d be small enough that they probably would have ended up looking kinda dumb in the middle of the table. The simplest (and probably least expensive) solution would have been a bunch of candles. I’ve seen a few arrangements online that are cheap and beautiful, but the zoo was kinda iffy about open flame, even in candles, and we didn’t feel like messing with it.
Soooo… I suggested light up trees. Because THAT’S easy.
Ikea had some cool LED lamps that inspired my idea, only they’re something like $60 which seemed like more than we wanted to pay, and are actually a bit larger then made any sense. So we collected various online guides to LED creations (couldn’t find any of the initial links we used, but guides are pretty easy to find) and got started. The construction was, in theory, simple. Wire frames (gauge about the same as a coat hanger, maybe a bit thicker) twisted together at the trunk, then branching out for the… branches. Long single strands of insulated wire with LEDs soldiered to the end, taped once around the connections, wound around the wire branches then taped again to hold them on the end.
Matt ordered some C battery holders, we got more switches (and these actually worked) we stuck in the batteries, taped the exposed wire with electrical tape, taped the whole battery mess with clear packing tape (to protect any unnoticed exposed parts) then stuck the whole thing in a glass cylinder and filled the whole thing with silver tinsel (which is why we needed to be so careful with the tape… the tinsel is actually made of metal and could cause some problems).
(BTW… worst definition EVER of cylinder: “Geometry. a surface or solid bounded by two parallel planes and generated by a straight line moving parallel to the given planes and tracing a curve bounded by the planes and lying in a plane perpendicular or oblique to the given planes.” from dictionary.com. I knew what a cylinder was before reading it, now I have no idea.)
I will say right off, that they looked fantastic on the tables at the zoo. There turned out to be plenty of light in the room, but they gave great mood lighting and may be the only centerpieces in the history of weddings that disappeared without the desperate couple urging guests, “please, take them!”
Matt and I managed to snag two (the one from our table was a bit different so I wanted one of the normal ones as well) but it took some effort to make sure we got them. I will also say that Jack and Kim once again came through like champs, letting us bury their home under wiring components for what might have been weeks.
The major thing I must say though, is that by the time we were almost finished with the second tree, we all wanted to scream, and if we hadn’t already paid money for all the electrical components (more than planned) and if we hadn’t been weeks away from the wedding, with no time really to come up with something better, we would have abandoned the whole thing to the depths of craft hell.
Oh yeah. Also. Our friends are amazing.
Anyway, Matt and I couldn’t really give up, and our friends were as mentioned, amazing, and stuck with us (possibly because it was the only way to get all the wiring crap out of their house, but still) so we sort of assembly lined it and eventually got all 10 trees finished (doesn’t sound like much, does it? You have NO idea).
I didn’t end up doing any of the wiring on this one either, instead I did all the tree structures (gloves and goggles both very necessary). With all the loose wires, batteries, and tape, the house looked like a bomb factory.
Each tree had 15 bulbs. We soldered all the positive wire ends together in one clump and the negative ends in another, then soldered them in place with the battery holders. As they were being put together, I started to worry that they all looked freakish, then decided I didn’t care, and eventually, realized they looked quite nice even if they didn’t quite look like my initial designs. I suppose the frustration was worth it, but if we’d known, we definitely would have chosen something easier.
Even so, I suppose as wedding work and wedding frustration and wedding decoration and wedding flowers goes, Matt and I got off pretty easy. I say weeks, but actually we got the trees done in just a few LONG sessions. Most of the wedding party chipped in to help with at least a bit, and Kim did most of the bouquet herself (she claims she enjoyed it, so I try not to feel too guilty). If we’d had ten friends (and maybe 5 soldiering irons) helping with the trees, we probably could have done it in a couple hours. As it was, the centerpieces ended up being the biggest headache of the whole wedding, so really, I guess I shouldn’t complain.
3. Other Bits
The flowers and trees were really the only wedding things we made ourselves (well that and our vows) but there were all sorts of other things provided by others.
When we mentioned we needed a broom (to jump over) for the ceremony, Kim (the other Kim) volunteered to make one, using broom grass and other plants from her garden. She tied everything together with cooper wire which sort of connected it with the flowers and centerpieces and all. My brother dug up a staff I’d picked up on a camping trip, left at his house and forgotten all about. The result was lovely, not quite dried, and is now hanging on our bedroom door (dry!) until we figure out where else we can put it. It looks very welcoming there, and we’d love to leave it where it is, but it gets a bit battered with all the opening and closing, so we should really put it somewhere safer soon.
I think I covered most of the other makers in posts last year, but just to re-mention… here goes:
There was the intricate henna for all the girls done by Lisa (also the person who married us) and then the gilding for me on the wedding day. Jeff, a talented local jeweler, custom made our rings from our ideas and his own, giving us something completely unique, and perfect for the two of us. Amy put together a surprisingly fun bridal shower (bridal showers are not my idea of fun) in spite of my inability to give her addresses until the very last minute. Kim (first Kim) helped me turn my dress from something shapeless to a surprisingly pretty roman looking thing (I’ve always said my dream wedding dress was one of the dresses Lucilla wears in Gladiator). The band we found (a month before the wedding!), the Mickey’s, kicked ass Irish rock style. The lady (owner I think) from Create-A-Cake listened patiently to my out there cake ideas, looked politely at unlikely sketches, turned them into something actually possible, and even seemed excited about it, which is always a plus. India Garden catered with super yummy Indian food and ended up taking over ALL the food and service details that Matt and I hadn’t really considered (table cloths, utensils, plates, servers, food warmers… they even provided plates for the cake) AND they gave me roses which was just amazingly sweet. Our family provided support and funding, which gave us the opportunity to have a dream wedding and honeymoon both. Finally, our friends John and Holly TOOK OVER the day-of planning, acting as guides for the guests and participants alike. Their generous intervention is probably all that saved our wedding from our lack of planning, which, I’ll be honest, was vast. They also found us our photographer, their daughter Willow, who did an amazing job.
I think that’s the real reason I wanted to post this today (and to be clear, I absolutely did NOT write it today, I’m busy celebrating with my husband). There are so many amazing people in our lives. I think of people I know with “frenemies” and I can’t imagine why. I read about people who cringe at their in-laws and am extremely grateful that I actually love mine. I guess everyone’s wedding is special to them, but I think ours will stay special to us, because it was about so many more people than just Matt and I. We have wonderful people to love and to love us, and we are both so thankful. Happy Anniversary.
*photos by Willow, Jack, Amy, etc.
Last year’s Wedding Posts:
Wild Wedding – Part 1 (posed photos)
Wild Wedding – Prepare (henna)
Wild Wedding – The Ceremony
Wild Wedding – Party Time
Celebrate (a VERY short honeymoon journal)
Slinking Suburbs
I heard a story on NPR the other day (ok, maybe the other week) about a weird trend in recent post bubble real estate, where realtors pay ACTORS to pretend to be neighbors in suburbs, with staged barbecues and invitations to nonexistent little league games, so that an empty neighborhood would seem to have people living there on Open House day. The feeling I got from the story, and that I get hearing people talk about suburbs in general, is that does not just represent the dishonesty of some realtors, it is an example of an atmosphere of duplicity that is increasingly associated with the suburbs in general.
Why does everyone hate the suburbs? Why have the suburbs come to represent all that is evil, all that is fake, soccer moms and security moms and helicopter parents and materialism? This annoys me, because as Matt and I start looking for a house I find myself having to defend our choice to look in pure suburbia.
Really I know the whys. One of the first culprits is Tim Burton. More specifically, Edward Scissorhands. I’m sure this movie wasn’t the first vision of suburban sameness, but the uniformly green grassed sameness has come to be part of popular consciousness, whether people realize it or not. The creepy echoes in Buron’s invented neighborhood are a fairly accurate reflection of many developments in post 1960s America, but they just as well describe the world of Camazots from Madeleine L’Engle’s A Wrinkle in Time. Not exactly positive associations, as was clearly intended.
And that’s fine. The artificiality being satired in Edward Scissorhands absolutely exists, and it can often be found in the suburbs. The problem I have is with the modern assumption that the suburbs are the cause. I grew up in Eugene, Oregon, a small enough city that it might as well be a suburb of itself. In my memory I lived in two different houses that were both cookie-cutter floorplans resulting from Eugene’s relatively rapid expansion. In spite of this supposed “sameness,” there was NEVER during my childhood, any sense of conformity in the homes around me. I’ve seen developments where the only difference from one house to the next is the paint color or a window shape, or a brick pattern. In the neighborhoods where I grew up, there was no need to fight for differentiation, because in spite of the repeated architecture, there was no standard look that the residents needed to fight against or conform to.
The sameness we find, I think comes from desire rather than actual similarities. The reason is not the location (suburbs), it’s that keeping-up-with-the-Joneses race that probably helped get us into the whole real estate mess in the first place. I need a bigger, more perfect house, because the neighbors have one. He needs a BMW because his cousin just bought one. It’s stupid, and it has nothing to do with a place, it has everything to do with people.
Matt and I eventually want to live in a house with a bit of land around it, in a safe neighborhood, with decent schools (since we’ll eventually be having kids) and less than an hour commute to the city. These are really not ridiculous wants, and the obvious answer, the only answer, is the suburbs. We hope to keep a garden that grows as much of our food as possible, maybe put up some solar panels or even small windmills, to keep energy costs down. I grew up with a backyard and I want my kids to have one too. We’d like some sort of woodland nearby. Basically, we want a compromise between urban and rural living.
If the human race is to survive into the 23th century, or the 30th century, I imagine someday we’ll all end up living in cities. This is (or could be) the most sustainable way to live, and at some point we won’t have a choice. In suburbs, people use hours worth of gas daily getting to and from work, burn up heat in poorly insulated homes, and spend gallons of water on uselessly green lawns. Maybe that’s why living in the suburbs is so detestable: the seizing of privacy, of space, of control and resources may well be selfish. I am occasionally drawn to the idea of living in an urban environment, with rooftop gardens and shops downstairs. There is appeal, until I remember that I can’t breathe after a few hours in New York, that I get itchy when I hear my neighbors through paper-thin walls, that the only thing I would own of the outside is a door. Someday I hope, large buildings will be planned with more public space, more green space, more space in general to keep us sane. Right now urban living is fun for some, but not a life I can imagine.
Ultimately, the life I’m seeking may not be sustainable. Suburbs, and most rural life, may fade away as energy sources dwindle and people are forced to huddle together for conservation. My response to that is to try and make a life with as small a footprint as possible, mainly to assuage the guilt that we’re contributing to the problem. I do think it’s possible to enjoy living in a dense population, I just don’t think it’s possible for me, today. I can only hope that by the time we have no choice, urban designers have come up with ways to make living wall to wall more tolerable.
*First photo by Wildernice, all others by me.
Fan Girl (me)
On Sunday, Matt and I went to see Neil Gaiman reading at Cleveland Public Library. Amazingly, this event was free. I mean, I would have paid to see Neil read, but free is fantastic. Our libraries rock.
Anyway, Matt is wonderfully supportive of my fan-girl-ness. It probably helps that he is also a big fan of Neil Gaiman’s writing and comic books.
I wasn’t sure what to expect in terms of crowd. I figured either, yeah, it’s Neil Gaiman, so they’ll be lining up around the block (this is what actually happened) or this is Cleveland, so no one will find out about it, and there will be fourteen people in a huge auditorium yelling, “we love you Neil!”
There ended being over a thousand people, all radiating happiness and hero worship. Neil’s fans are an odd assortment of hippie-craftsters, goths, metal-biker types and general misfits, most of which are much friendlier than they look. The book worm connection probably helped. Matt, who is usually by far the social one in our pairing, accused me of being a social butterfly for once.
It’s just easier to talk to people who are a bit batty over fantasy and such. Cult audiences are so much fun. Also, yes. A real bat got into the building, which seemed fitting.
Neil is super friendly, which didn’t surprise me, but he is also rather adorable, which did. The grim visage he carries around doesn’t really translate in person.
We got to hear the first ever reading (I think) of Odd and the Frost Giants, a short novel he wrote for World Book Day, which I’d never even heard of until yesterday (the day, not the book, but actually, I’d never heard of either).
Apparently authors and publishers put out 100 page books for free, children are given book tokens and get to choose from (I think) 9 books. I’d never heard of it because it’s the world OUTSIDE of the US. Shame, it sounds like a good idea.
Neil and his undead army. Actually they’re Oberlin students, and I had a brighter picture, but I liked the zombie look.
There were enough people that not everyone fit in the main room, which I think held about 700 people.
Another few hundred peopel were shuffled into an overflow room across the hall, where I suppose they watched on TV screens. Still more were turned away entirely. Matt and I got there just before noon, and managed to get great seats in the middle. During the question and answer section, Neil made sure to gett a couple questions from the overflow room, which was cool of him. He also took a few questions from kids, (there were quite a few in the audience) including “do you remember signing a girl’s foot in Portland?” which was pretty entertaining.
He got a standing ovation, which is predictable these days, but I’d say he actually deserved it, which is less common. He’s a fantastic speaker, and of course most of his fans already know he’s a wonderful reader. I’ve listened to his audio books before, but I was still sort of amazed at his vocal range with characters, particularly reading Odd and the Frost Giants. I really did feel as though I were a little kid again, listening to the bear voices in a faerie tale. Afterwards he signed books and possibly feet.
Actually he’s a saint. He signed for everyone that wanted something. I’m not sure what time he left, but Matt and I finally made it out with our signed books at about 6 pm, and I know Neil was supposed to leave to catch a plane at 4:30. So yeah. Saint.
In high fan-girl fashion, I drew Neil a picture, hoping I’d have a chance to give it to him. I’d planned to draw something from one of his short stories, but I couldn’t settle on anything so I ended up doing a caricature of Neil. As he put it: “Oh it’s me! Beekeeping! With a 3 headed Cabal!” So I think he liked it, even though my friend Jack told me I was being creepy.
I made his head too big, and the dog’s body is a little confusing (but I suppose it would be) and actually the front dog head looks like a Corgi, which Cabal certainly is not. And don’t even ask about the futuristic bee hive.
I wanted him to be grabbing something out of the air, and I eventually settled on star anise. I tried to think of what an idea might look like, and this seemed like a good representation: half seed, half star.
His cloak of course is a nod at the Sandman’s getup, and I was trying to make his hat look a bit like Odin’s cap, but honestly that’s pretty much what beekeeper’s hats look like anyway, so I’m not sure I succeeded.
It was an amazing day and I got to give Neil my drawing, and we got some books signed, and hear part of a new story, and get a teaser about what he’s working on now, and generally hear him talk about what he does and what it’s like. It was an unbelievable way to spend a day, especially sharing it with Matt. Even if I didn’t get to eat more than a cookie and a half between waking up and 7 pm dinner. I’m still a bit giddy, and emotianlly drained from being giddy all day yesterday. Totally worth it.
On a Boat
This last weekend may have been one of the most relaxing I’ve had in ages.
Our friends Jack and Kim invited us along on a boat ride Saturday. The 31 foot sailboat belongs to a friend of theirs, so I was a bit nervous about barging (hah!) onto the trip, but he was a super nice guy and seemed happy to share the experience, not to mention his knowledge on boating. He put everyone to work who wanted to work (for myself, I prefered to stay out of the way, clinging to anything that seemed somewhat stable) teaching them boating slang as they went. I guess Jack and Kim join him on sailing races pretty often, so they were more or less already part of the crew.
Matt got a chance to haul rope and generally play pirate (no boarding though) which he seemed to enjoy. I love boats but am not so much a fan of, you know, water, so I didn’t help much until the end, when we pulled into a dock which seemed WAY to small for the boat. It was a bit of a scramble, with everyone running to the edges to push away from whatever permanent feature was about to hit the boat. On my side we nearly hit a large metal pole. I thought to myself, someone really ought to take care of that before we hit it. Then I looked around at everyone already frantic with something and realized, aw crap, that’s me. I’m still shocked we managed not to scrape off any paint or people.
We sailed from Elyria to Edgewater which gave us some fantastic views entering the city.
Other than docking, most of the trip was pretty tame. For the first few hours there was unfortunately not enough wind to sail, so we had to motor our way east. This made things easy, but I liked it better when the sails went up. The weather was beautiful, a gentle breeze that got us up to 7 knots (nots? whatever, and don’t ask me to translate that into mph), with nothing rough enough to make me wonder if I’d end up in the lake. In spite of my dislike (ok, FEAR) of water, when I was a kid, my ideal bed was a padded row boat in a flooded room. For some reason my parents didn’t go for that, but I could easily have fallen asleep for large parts of this trip.
The only slightly scary part of the sailing had nothing at all to do with the weather. This was labor day weekend, our destination was to anchor downtown and watch the airshow. Being labor day weekend, it was rather crowded, which was entertaining during the show, but extremely annoying afterward.
I guess it’s the same old story of one bad egg ruining the… whatever it ruins. In this case there were several. I’m not a boater, so I may not have the right to get indignant when people ignore ship rules. As a passenger though, I feel pretty entitled to be pissed off when people put me in danger. A good handful of motorboats decided they were getting back to the dock, and screw everyone else. They jetted back at top speed, causing wakes that pushed everyone else in all directions and all angles. I don’t know if we nearly tipped, or how close we came to the other sailboat riding the waves, but I DO know that the captain was looking anxious, and looking sideways and suddenly seeing water is pretty freaky for a landlubber.
Mostly though, people were friendly, and except for the few jerks, considerate of each other. Also, fireboat showing off=me acting about four years old with simple happiness.
We had a fantastic view of the air show, getting constant close flyovers. This was exciting, and I probably missed some of the show trying to get good photos, but I got some good shots so I think it was worth it. They did all the sort of death defying loop-de-loops you expect from the Blue Angels, but I think the flyovers were my favorite part.
There is something alarming about seeing airplanes so close to the cityscape.
The air show lasted several hours, with leisurely breaks in between. People on other boats were swimming and climbing around like the boats were jungle gyms.
I don’t expect I’ll have the opportunity to go sailing all that often, and I’m not sure I’d enjoy it as much if it got “exciting.” I wouldn’t have missed this weekend though.
On a totally unrelated note, I’ll be working on the blog design for the next few days (read: weeks) so the layout may be a bit… broken for a while. I know there’s a way to work on wordpress blogs without disturbing the online site, but I haven’t figured out how, so please just forgive me for any annoyances.
Current layout:
Eventual layout (I hope):
Nature Bites
There are certain phrases in the English language that, once uttered, spell doom for the speaker. “What’s the worst that could happen?” is one example, along with, “Well at least it’s not raining.” Of course we can’t forget the horror movie classics like, “I’ll be right back,” or Darwinian helpers such as, “Hold my beer and watch this!”
And then there’s, “Aw, I hate bug spray. I’d rather have a couple bites.”
I went camping about a month ago and came home with 78 bug bites. Most were probably mosquito bites but there were also blood flies and at least one spider bite.I generally consider bug bites slightly worse than annoying, but this was downright agonizing. The first night, depending solely on calamine lotion, I didn’t sleep at all. By the way. Calamine lotion is worthless.
So 4 am found me googling bug bite cures. Twitter and Facebook also yielded some helpful suggestions, but stuck at home the next day, I tried the only “cure” available in the house. Scotch Tape. This sounded unlikely, but I was desperate, so I figured what the heck.
Most of the bites were on my legs, so I mummified my calves in transparent strips, covering every bite. It worked much better than I expected (in that I didn’t expect it to work at all) but certainly wasn’t 100%.
The main usefulness of the tape seemed to be reducing friction on the bites. Protected by the tape, my bites weren’t constantly irritated by my clothing, or even the air. Miraculously, I could also scratch my bites without bothering them, as the smooth surface of scotch tape let me rub without abrasion. The forum that suggested this cure claimed that the tape sucks out mosquito venom (total nonsense) but I’m pretty sure the stickiness has nothing to do with the relief. I think this is entirely caused by protecting the bites. I didn’t realize how much the tape was doing until I took it off. Then the itch-burn returned full force. While Scotch Tape isn’t perfect, it helps far more than you’d expect and I highly recommend it as a home remedy.
The down side to the tape was that I could feel it when I moved, which meant every step I took reminded me that my body was covered in mosquito bites. As you’re probably aware, the best thing you can do for bug bites is forget about them, and the tape made this almost impossible (not that it was even remotely possible WITHOUT the tape).
I asked Matt to ask the pharmacist what to use, and he brought home some AfterBite (ammonia) and Cortisone. The instructions were to put on the ammonia (stings like a scorpion), wait for it to dry, and then smear on the cortisone.
The effect of the ammonia was immediate, after the sting dissipated, the itch was GONE, though it didn’t last too long if you left it at that, and itching reawakened at the slightest breeze. The cortisone is supposedly a longer term effect, up to 24 hours before it has any impact. I can’t testify to that, since I have no idea what the itch would have been like if I hadn’t used it.
I do know that the chemicals were sanity saving. The pharmacist said nothing about covering the bites after, and I’m not sure whether health wise it’s a good idea, but I’d already witnessed how much scotch tape helped and I wanted to get rid of as much itch as possible. I wanted to SLEEP, thanks.
The scotch tape was not ideal. For one thing, taking it off left painful red marks, especially at the back of the knee, where it actually caused a friction rash, and seemed to make the bites worse. For another thing, I mean, it’s scotch tape. That can’t be healthy, right? Some people online were using duct tape, and scotch tape is probably better than that, but I thought surely there were better options.
I picked up some medical tape, and this was a huge mistake. Nowhere near as effective as scotch tape, the huge strips of medical tape dragged constantly at my skin, a painful reminder of my itching bites. Since the tape is designed to breathe, air could get in to bug my bites, but it was somehow still hotter, more sweat inducing than the scotch tape. The only plus I can see is that it would have made a good Halloween costume. Scotch tape, surprisingly, was a clear winner here.
Better though, if more ridiculous, were individual band-aids.
It took me more than an hour to cover all my bites with tiny round bandages, and it seemed like a complete waste of time, but even more than the tape, the band-aids worked beautifully. I can’t think of a better use for the band-aids, I’ve always wondered what they were for, so maybe this is it. Though time consuming, the band-aids, coupled with the ammonia and ointment, were the best by far at relieving the itch.
They’re less conspicuous than the medical tape (though not as invisible as scotch tape) relieved 95% of the itch and burn (enough that I could forget it), and most importantly, didn’t pull at my skin at all, or give any reminder that they were there.
I also tried to defend my band-aid use by claiming that they must be attractive. After all, Anime characters are often covered in band-aids and everyone knows Anime characters are hot. Right? Matt has informed me however that, while I am always hot in his eyes, being covered in band-aids is not at all sexy, and should be avoided whenever possible. Especially if they’re covering itchy bug bites.
Ah well. Half my friends on the camping trip ended up with poison ivy, so I guess it could have been worse. I’m pretty sure calamine lotion doesn’t do much for that either.
April Camping
My favorite season to go camping is fall. Summer tents get very hot, spring can be tick/mosquito heavy. Bugs aside, spring camping is a close second, assuming you’re the type that enjoys being outdoors. If you define nature as lawn care, preferably done by someone else, camping would obviously be the furthest thing from relaxing or enjoyable, so if you are one of those, you may want to leave my blog before the nature-y pictures make you itchy.
We decided to go on a camping trip for my brother’s birthday this year, but this presented a couple problems. The choice was made only a week and a half ahead of time, and though it was easy to reserve a site (weirdly, not many people want to go camping a few days after snow) it wasn’t enough time for people with jobs to prepare the time. Also, while it was a beautiful weekend in spite of the snow earlier that week, it was a beautiful APRIL weekend, a bit colder than any of us were really equipped for.
So we decided on a day camping trip instead. The woods in spring are still brown, with shocking bursts of green popping up from beneath the dead.
We started the day with a hike. We pretty much had the trails to ourselves; I think there were maybe 5 other groups on the whole site. We went to Findley, because it’s relatively close, and a decent park for the distance. Partway through our hike, Matt, Jack and Kim apparently had to pause and pose for a Jay Crew Catalog (above).
I am not a power hiker. Amy and I kept trading places at the back, because we were the ones with cameras. The thing I love about hiking is it gives you the chance to really look at things. I consider myself an artist, and that’s supposed to mean I’m observant, that I look at the world through some special filter. In truth I spend much of my time in day dreams, and often don’t look at the concrete world at all. I have to remind myself to look closely, to see beauty. I think that’s why I like taking pictures. Simply having a camera hanging around my neck forces me to notice things, to see how fascinating something as simple as dirt can be, the intricate patterns made by tree branches.
The best parks have some kind of water feature. Findley has a lake, and a dam, which is for some reason more fascinating than the lake.
Maybe it’s the way the man made elements intersect nature, the industrial concrete against the lines of the trees. I’m not sure it would be so striking with the trees fully greened. I like the starkness.
But then I’ve always been a huge fan of visual contrasts between life and death. Structure and disorder. I also find myself concentrating on the simple shapes, and lines, almost to the point that I hardly see what I’m actually looking at. Not “can’t see the forest for the trees,” I can’t see the trees for the lines.
This only comes in waves however, so I do still get a chance to enjoy the nature walk. It was crisp and sunny, I’m glad I dressed warm, in a long sleeved t-shirt and fleece jacket. It’s easy to either over or underestimate the temperature on a early spring hike. It looks sunny so you think it’s warm and you freeze, or you remember it’s actually pretty cold, and end up sweating from the exercise.
I stole this photo idea from Amy. I waited until she moved into frame and all five of them were well down the trail. My friends eventually got used to me lagging behind.
Whenever you go camping or hiking, it’s a good idea to take along a pair of extra shoes and socks (if you’re going multi-day camping, MORE than one pair of extra socks). Especially if at the end of the hike you come to a river between you and your campsite. You find a log bridge. Ignoring common sense, you start tentatively to cross it. It’s pretty sturdy, so you walk more confidently, and as you get to the end, Jack says, look out, it’s slippery there. Just one more step before you jump onto the ground. Like I said, extra socks.
We sort of overestimated one day’s food, but we ate more of it than could be reasonably expected. It would be nice to claim that we earned it, burning off the calories on our rigorous hike, but since I was the one wandering at the end, taking pictures of interesting tree bark, I wont even try.
No camping trip is complete without cheesy-injected goodness (pork franks with cheddar). We also brought along food for foil wraps, the holy grail of camping food. Most people probably know what a foil wrap is already, take random roasting veggies (potatoes, onions and carrots are the best staples), some meat or not as you prefer (steak works best, but I don’t eat beef so I used pork, which is a little less tricky than chicken) wrap it up in thick foil, and stick it on the embers (not fire) for 30-40 minutes. Salt, seasoning, herbs, and olive oil can all be a nice addition, but it tastes good without.
Jack and Kim didn’t really believe us about the foil wraps. Kim’s surprise when she tasted the contents was worth the 40 minute wait.
For dessert we had apple crumbly things. Again with foil, a bunch of oatmeal at the bottom, apples, brown sugar, cinnamon, and lots of butter. It’s got fruit in it, so it must be healthy.
It was hard to see by the time we got to the foil wraps, and it was extremely cold even a few steps away from the fire. We had a good fire going though, which kept at least one half of us nice and toasty. I was actually not as cold on this trip as I have been on some others. Maybe because I expected this one to be cold, and dressed warmer than I usually would.
Day camping isn’t quite the same as a weekend long trip (or week long trip if there’s time) but it was surprisingly relaxing. It’s not something that would occur to me most of the time, and now I hope it will. Sometimes a full out camping trip is just impossible, but a lot of that time, fitting in a day, or a half day is way more doable. And definitely worth it.
